Don’t Just Count Them…Write Them Down

This is not a Starbucks ad. These are my blessings notebooks. In December of 2007, I started writing my blessings everyday. Sure, I would count them before that…only when I am reminded by other people, when I feel bad and need a quick fix, when I literally read “Count your blessings” on a car sticker.  But seriously, there’s an entire different feeling when you make it a habit as (first) you allot time for it, (second) you write them down, (third) you do it everyday.  It’s as simple as that.

Honestly, I started doing this because I was undergoing my quarter life crisis—a time when I doubted myself: Have I accomplished enough for my age? Am I successful for my age? Am I worthy? Hah! Those were the days (which I laugh about now) and having read articles and books on how to stay positive…it hit me: BE GRATEFUL.

So for three years now, I’ve learned these.

1. It’s a habit you need to develop.  It’s when you do it repeatedly that you get the point. I mean, at first, I would only acknowledge the “big” blessings that would come my way such as a bonus at work, a concert we did, a party I attended, a birthday surprise. But then as I continue to think about how blessed I am day by day, I started taking note of the SMALLEST and MOST TRIVIAL of things. Smallest such as a “free mint candy from an officemate” or “a really long hard tummy-aching laugh” or “finding a parking slot in 30 seconds”.  The most trivial of things like a “good and loving family” or “fun and supportive friends” or “having quality education”.  And so from the biggest most obvious blessings to the simplest taken-for-granted things…I wrote them all.
2. The ratio of positive-happy-awesome-days to low-energy-bad-vibes days is 360:5.  Of course I still have those tremendously miserable days where a series of unfortunate events coupled with Murphy’s law happens.  But with my blessings notebook, I realized that it’s ok to have those ^%$!*@ days because out of 365 days, 360 brought me smiles, laughter, peace and fun.  So who cares? The five days don’t matter after all.
3. This ritual makes me a better person everyday. I never thought that this is an exercise for your mind to focus on positive things instead of making a big fuss out of an issue.  As I take on this journal journey, it has become so effortless to switch your mind on to the brighter side of things.  Logging my blessings have brought me benefits more than expected.

So I challenge myself now to magnify this blessings journal even more by committing to my FIFTH GOAL this year…TO FILL UP THE ENTIRE SPACE ALLOTED EACH DAY WITH BLESSINGS BIG AND SMALL.

Now start writing yours. If you start a blessings journal after reading this, you allow me to be a blessing too.  I thank you for that; and I might as well end up writing your name on my journal today.

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.  ~G.K. Chesterton

Count your 2010 Blessings, Learnings and Milestones

As I have mentioned in Day 1, one of the things this blog will be about is SHARING...and today, I want to share what my very good friend Tin sent me before 2010 ended.  Let me and Tin share this with you... that you may pick up a thing or two...

Big Learnings and Milestones for 2010

By Tin Te

1.      I’ve learned that when we plan for something, in our minds it is already perfect and enough.  But when God joins in our plans, what happens is something far grander than we could have imagined and planned.  This does not mean that you will just be passive in waiting and receiving.  However, this means that you have to let God know what you want.  Shoot for the stars.  Declare what you really want and mean it like you deserve it.  Then by some miraculous twist, God will pave the way for you… so easy and clear that you will be so certain it is for you.

2.      When I started the year 2010, my mantra was having and breathing abundance in my life.  And that’s what I exactly got this year.  I’ve been through times of scraping bottom that I didn’t have any peace of mind at all.  Now I know why some people end their lives because of their financial problems.  During my crisis, I turned to God and my family.  I used to have a program of being independent and not asking for financial support from family.  But God pushed me to my lowest that only my family saved me.  The story did not end there.  He gave me a new career in Singapore.  Something I have not planned nor hoped for.  And I am so happy with where I am right now.  Not to mention, it’s been so financially-rewarding.

3.      If there was another way to describe my 2010 it would be “trying… doing… giving up… and standing up again.”  There were a lot of moments this year when I was already beyond given up because I have already given up.  Yet for some reason, with all blindness, grasping to nothing and without ever thinking, I suddenly stood up and do the finish quickly.  That’s when I learned that when you have nothing, you give everything.  Sometimes, when you have nothing to lose anymore, all the more you are risk-taking and aggressive.  Maybe God puts big elephants down our paths… to let the hero in us shine through.

4.      This year, I have also proven that thoughts become things or to think is to create.  Before, I thought this line is just another cliché or another brainwash thing.  But after what I’ve been through, I really know that to think is to create.  However, we have to be cautious with our thoughts because it can become so powerful, we can create both the positive and negative.  I also realized that our subconscious is so powerful.  Our everyday self-talk, which is sometimes negative, impacts negatively on our attitudes and actions.  This year, I think I have strengthened the power of my mind.  Although I still need a lot of meditating and positive thinking, I think it’s a big achievement where I am right now.

5.      This year, I also had the chance to open my heart.  It was a rollercoaster for me as stakes were high and I am never a believer of “like” = relationship.  For me, love is the only reason.  So I loved, got broken-hearted and healed slowly.  This was as short as a rollercoaster ride but there were golden learnings from this.  First, I’ve learned that each of us deserves to settle for nothing less than butterflies.  We all have that someone for us but we never really know unless we try.  Second, to love is to risk getting hurt.  When we daydream about finding love, we are just sitting comfortably and waiting.  But the hard part is when we do find love.  Sometimes we panic, put our walls up so high or run for our lives.  I’ve learned that to be open to love, you really have to be open to the risk of getting hurt and rejected.  The rewards will be tremendous, whether it is consummated or not.  Lastly, I’ve learned something precious about myself… that I’m capable of loving.  And loving genuinely and unconditionally at that.  I am a loving and lovable person, and that has made me fall in love with myself more.

6.      People come and go in our lives.  I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason and for a special unique role.  I’m sad to have lost friends this year.  The new great friends I’ve gotten this year can never replace those that I’ve lost.  I’m just like that. I value friends and I value each role they play into my life.  I realized that I fight so hard for friendship and it takes me a long time to give up and let go.  But when it is not worth it anymore, everything I had with that friend just slips away.  At the back of my mind, there’s only hope left… hope that someday, we will have a chance again.

7.      I’ve learned that the people we spend more time and energy with have a great impact in how we live our lives.  So I just have a simple learning here - - choose the people that will surround you.  Choose the people who love (sometimes tough love is we need), support, respect and trust you.  Choose positive people, those that will inspire you and make you a better person.  Sure, there are low points for them but make sure that they don’t live in negativity.  It won’t be long before they suck you in their black hole.  Be with people who you look up to and are better than you (sometimes just perception) and you will also grow in positivity.

8.      They say that happiness is a choice.  But more than that, I believe that happiness is also a responsibility.  Other people say that happiness is difficult to achieve.  What I’ve learned from this year is that happiness starts from having peace of mind and completion in all aspects of my lives.  That was the hard and most uncomfortable part.  But once you’ve done it, life becomes easy.  This year, I can say that I am very happy with my life in general.  Sure there were down, sad, angry and disappointed moments.  But those remained purely as emotions.  They never dictated my happiness.  Once I’ve learned the difference, it was easy for me to be happy every day.  I said that happiness is a responsibility because you really have to initiate and play an active part in it.  Here are some simple things which helped me become happier everyday:

a.      I kept a blessings journal and write at least 5 blessings a day.  Of course this was hard on bad days.  But this forced me to get the lighter side from each situation.

b.      I planned for events, activities or bonding sessions that will surely excite me.  The feelings of looking forward to something and being happy when that day comes make me happy longer.

c.       I find joy in little and mundane things.  Sometimes when we’re too caught up with everyday stress at work, we forget the little things which we can joy from.  This can range from spending 10 minutes with a baby/kid or just keeping in touch with a friend.  I really commit to finding joy at least once a week to increase my happiness.  After a while, it just becomes natural.

9.      I’ve known myself to be a leaper.  A person who does big steps rather than baby steps.  I am quick and impulsive… ready, shoot and aim kind of person.  I am impatient but idealistic.  For most of my life, I have been doing this.  But this year, I’ve also learned the art of baby steps.  Of course this was hard because I wanted quick results and instant gratification.  But sometimes, some things need baby steps.  In this way, I was more confident, more supported (yes, we all need to be supported) and more appreciative.  And when everything seems dark and murky, you will just have to do baby steps your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

10.  Lastly, I’ve learned that it is important to get out of your comfort zone.  The way to do it is to continuously facing your fears.  The thing that you are very afraid of is the next thing you should be doing.  Another effective way to extend your comfort zone is to just act on it, fail and act on it again.   This way, you are quick to detach on failures and let go of negativity.  Another way is to do a lot of breakthroughs, things you haven’t done before or imagined doing.  Believe me, you will feel invincible afterwards.  All these are of course uncomfortable.  But the rewards are heavenly. 

If you are reading this, it means that you are very very very close to my heart.  I want to thank you for being a big part of my 2010.  You are my blessing. 

Cheers to 2011! Welcome the LOVE BOAT!             J